I really did not think I would end up posting daily. I honestly figured that I would make that first post and sort of forget about the whole thing for a couple days or weeks, then post again once or twice before forgetting this entirely. Guess not!
Its just that my memory is not exactly strong. I can real sick a little over a decade ago, a few months shy of 2 years now actually. That is a story for another day, and a long one at that. However, what I will say is that due to that sickness I have found myself with memory issues. Ask me what I had for dinner last night. I can't tell you. I do not remember. I might not even remember within 3-4 hours of eating. That is not to say that I cant remember anything at all. I just have to really try. I remember important things, like birthdays, anniversaries, phone numbers, work stuff, etc. If I make an effort to remember things then I can. Unless I am emotional. If I am in an argument, forget about it. PUN! Sorry. Anyway, when I am highly emotional, especially angry, I forget things incredibly rapidly. Due to this I tend to get angrier because I will literally forget what I said two statements prior, or what I was going to say because a statement made shifted the gears in my head. Apparently the key to winning a linguistic duel with me is the ol' "bob and weave" style. Most people can keep a couple trains going at that point but me, I derail and end up on the evening news.
I have been getting better though, at least in other veins of memory. I will sometimes lay away at night trying to expand memories. To take one point in my personal history and go back or forward to fill in the gaps. A lot of my memories of before I got sick, of my childhood, are stories I have been told about myself. So by using those as a jumping point I have been trying to fix the connections that have been severed if I can at all. I ask myself "What happened before this story?" " Where were we for this story?" and once I have the answer that I think it is, I ask the same question of the story teller. I just ask the question as I asked myself too, I don't taint it with my details, such as saying "Were we with grandma that day?" because they might say yes when its not true. Sort of an inception thing, it actually happens, there are articles about it. Like this one:
http://www.cracked.com/article_18704_5-mind-blowing-ways-your-memory-plays-tricks-you.html
Well, that sort proves my point that my memory is getting better, that article is over 2 years old. Small victories are still victories. In my excitement at remembering the article existed and which site it was on, I have forgotten my intent as to where I was ultimately leading this. I really hate irony. I will ramble to try and get back on track but I do fear I wont find my original path.
Alrighty! I remembered. Its been about 25 minutes of re-reading the bit before the link but I got it back. So here goes. I remember things better now, but in a bit of an odd way. I "Sam Beckett" myself into my memories. To elaborate, Sam Beckett is the lead on an old show called "Quantum Leap" and he "jumps" into peoples bodies through history to fix problems in their lives. The audience however, no matter who he jumps in be it a young child or even a woman, always sees Sam. That is now my memories work. I can be remembering something from when I was 6 or 7 and I see it as me now, my current age, size, etc. It feels a bit odd overall. I do not really know what to make of it, especially since I often remember things in a third person perspective.
I feel I had more to say but I am struggling to find it so I will just end things here. I got most of what I wanted to say, maybe even all of it. That is another thing of note, not what I was searching for mind you but still. I doubt myself a lot because of my memory issues. I tend to think that I have always forgotten something, or planned on doing something and get a bit stressed about it. Sometimes I actually have, but others I just *think* I have. It gets to be confusing.
So thats that on this topic I suppose. If I remember what I think I need to remember, I'll at an edit to this. That is if I remember to once I remember it.
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